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Bathroom Eviction Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Bathroom Occupancy

Notice of Eviction

In the matter of Occupancy of a Shared Bathroom
File BAT-5202Issued AUGUST 22, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 12.4a
    Excessive scrolling. Operating a handheld device upon the fixture beyond all reasonable need.
  2. § 12.4b
    Reckless endangerment of the vascular system. Remaining seated past the point at which circulation can be assured. Hemorrhoids are foreseeable and will not be treated as an accident.
  3. § 12.4c
    Neglect of household duties. Abandonment of dishes, bins, children or guests while the household was led to believe the matter was urgent.
  4. § 12.4d
    Obstruction of a shared facility. Denial of access to others without notice, apology, or any credible estimate of return.
  5. § 12.4e
    Conduct unbecoming of a guest in one’s own bathroom. Treating a room built for one purpose as a reading room, an office, or a home.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent vacate the fixture within ten (10) minutes of each and every seating, effective immediately. You are hereby evicted from the privilege described above, effective immediately. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseOccupying the bathroom for hoursSeverityStep 3 of 3 · Notice of Eviction
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file BAT-5202
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Office of Bathroom Occupancy

Instructions

for the service of notice
File BAT-5202To be read aloudDo not smile

Service must be performed in person. Read the marked passages exactly as written. Anything in italics is direction and should not be read aloud, however tempting.

Before you begin

Wait until they are out of the bathroom. Serving someone through a door is not valid service and is, frankly, rude.

Have a witness present if you can. It doubles the audience and gives you someone to sign the form.

Give the witness your phone and have them film it. The document is the gift; their face is the part you keep.

Hold the notice with both hands. Do not smile. The whole thing collapses if you smile.

The service

“MARCUS. Do I have your attention.”

“I am serving you with a Bathroom Eviction Notice, file number BAT-5202, issued this day under the Office of Bathroom Occupancy.”

“You have been found in breach of five provisions. I will read them.”

— read the charges from the notice, in order, without editorial —

The order

“It is therefore ordered that you comply, effective immediately.”

“A response is required. The code is on the stub.”

“Do you accept service?”

After they accept

Hand them the stub. Point at the code. Say nothing else — they will fill the silence themselves.

Sign the notice. Have your witness sign it. They keep it.

You may smile now.

Post the footage and tag @youvebeenserved. The best ones go on the wall, and whoever filmed it serves their next one on us.

Keep your copy. Hand over the stub. Say nothing else.