For someone guilty of taking calls from the toilet

Call Location Order

For the one whose colleagues have all heard a flush mid-sentence. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Office of Bathroom Occupancy
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Conduct of Correspondence from a Facility
File BAT-6544Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseTaking calls from the toiletSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 12.3a
    Correspondence from a facility. Conducting a conversation from a room reserved for other business.
  2. § 12.3b
    The unmuted flush. Transmitting a sound that identifies the location beyond dispute.
  3. § 12.3c
    Acoustic amplification. Selecting the most reverberant room in the building for a call.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent leave the phone outside the door, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file BAT-6544
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it when they emerge, still talking.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 2.7Not washing their handsHand Hygiene Order§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order§ 2.6Farting in front of everyoneAmbient Emission Notice

Also called toilet · calls · phone · office · gross