For someone guilty of chewing with your mouth open

Mastication Conduct Order

For the one whose eating you can hear from the next room. One of the most complained-of habits there is. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Bureau of Dining Standards
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Audible and Visible Mastication
File CHE-9943Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseChewing with your mouth openSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 18.1a
    Audible mastication. Producing a sound at a volume that carries beyond the table.
  2. § 18.1b
    Visible processing. Permitting the contents to remain observable throughout.
  3. § 18.1c
    Speech during. Conducting conversation at a stage of the process that does not permit it.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent close your mouth between the fork and the swallow, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not an eating disorder. An eating habit.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file CHE-9943
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it during the meal. Slide it across the table.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 21.2Leaving messages on readRead Receipt Citation§ 10.2Splitting the bill evenlyEquitable Division Order

Also called eating · noisy · mouth · table · manners