Occasions

Every excuse to serve somebody.

The same 162 offenses, framed for the moment you are buying for. Delivered instantly, printed at home, from $14.99 — so there is no deadline to miss on any of them.

Secret SantaThe Secret Santa gift they will actually talk about.Under budget, over the line, and specific enough that everyone knows exactly who drew whose name.Serve a colleague ▸ChristmasA stocking filler with charges attached.The one gift under the tree that gets read out loud. Print it, serve it after dinner, and let them answer for themselves.Serve a relative ▸New YearNew year. Same habit. Now in writing.They will announce a resolution on the first and abandon it by the ninth. Get ahead of it with formal charges and a deadline they did not set themselves.File for the new year ▸Valentine's DayFlowers say nothing. This says five things.Anyone can buy roses. It takes real attention to name exactly what they do, cite it, and sign underneath.Serve your valentine ▸Mother's DayShe raised you. She also texts in voice notes.Affectionate, official, and specific. The kind of gift that gets photographed and sent to the family group chat.Serve your mom ▸Father's DayHe has another tie. He does not have one of these.Formal charges for the thing he has been doing for thirty years and will absolutely keep doing.Serve your dad ▸Moving in togetherAll yearSome conversations go better in writing.The dishes, the thermostat, the laundry that has been in the machine since Tuesday. Formally, and with a case number.Serve a roommate ▸AnniversariesAll yearRomance is noticing. This is noticing, formally.Nobody on earth knows their habits better than you do. Put five of them in writing and sign it.Serve your partner ▸BirthdaysAll yearAnother year. Same habit.They have everything and they want nothing. What they do have is one thing everybody has noticed and nobody has said out loud.Serve the birthday person ▸