You’ve Been Served
Anniversaries

Romance is noticing. This is noticing, formally.

Nobody on earth knows their habits better than you do. Put five of them in writing and sign it.

  • Custom documents. Print and hand deliver, or serve a digital copy
  • Three charges you choose, from nine written for that habit
  • Signed by you, or Anonymous. Leave it on a desk and never be placed
  • A response code. They must plead guilty, appeal, or refuse
  • A line of your own, printed under the charges and signed by you
Instant delivery. Print it or send the link.
Serve your partner · from $14.99
Bureau of Nocturnal Conduct
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Nocturnal Device Use
File SCR-5825Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseScrolling in bed until 2amSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 23.1a
    Illumination of a shared sleeping area. Operating a lit screen within a room occupied by a person actively attempting to sleep.
  2. § 23.1b
    False declaration of intent. Stating “one more” on eleven separate occasions within a single evening.
  3. § 23.1c
    Wilful degradation of the following morning. Knowingly incurring a sleep debt that will be repaid, with interest, by everyone in the household.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent surrender the device to the bedside table no later than eleven (11) o’clock, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not sleep advice, but put it down.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SCR-5825
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Bedtime Scrolling Citation · one of 93 for this
Best for this

Pick what they are guilty of.

§ 23.1Scrolling in bed until 2amIssues: Bedtime Scrolling CitationFor the one who says “one more video” at eleven and is still there at two.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 23.6Snoring like machineryIssues: Nocturnal Noise Abatement OrderFor the one who sleeps beautifully and lets nobody else.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 12.9Leaving the seat upIssues: Toilet Seat Position OrderFor the one who has been asked, at minimum, four hundred times.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 9.7Leaving wet towels on the bedIssues: Wet Towel OrderFor the one who dries themselves and then the mattress.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 4.6Touching the thermostatIssues: Thermostat Interference OrderFor the household operative conducting unauthorized temperature policy.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 31.2Being late to everythingIssues: Chronic Lateness WarningFor the friend whose “leaving now” has never once meant leaving now.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollIssues: Replenishment OrderFor the one who uses the last of it and leaves the cardboard tube as a monument.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 12.4Occupying the bathroom for hoursIssues: Bathroom Occupancy OrderFor the household member who treats a shared facility as a private study.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 18.3Phone at the dinner tableIssues: Dinner Table Phone BanFor the relative who eats an entire meal without once looking up.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 7.6Loading the dishwasher wrongIssues: Loading Standards NoticeFor the one whose loading technique has been described, accurately, as an attack.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 16.8Spoiling the endingIssues: Spoiler Cease and DesistFor the one who says “wait for the twist”, then describes the twist.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 16.5Watching a whole season in one sittingIssues: Continuous Viewing OrderFor the one who takes “are you still watching” as an accusation.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 21.2Leaving messages on readIssues: Read Receipt CitationFor the one who reads it, thinks about it, and never replies.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.10Buying the loudest possible toyIssues: Acoustic Gift InjunctionFor the grandparent who buys the drum kit, and then goes home.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 31.8Snoozing the alarm nine timesIssues: Serial Snoozing WarningFor the one whose alarm is a suggestion and whose partner’s alarm is not.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openIssues: Mastication Conduct OrderFor the one whose eating you can hear from the next room. One of the most complained-of habits there is.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.1Asking when you are having childrenIssues: Reproductive Enquiry Cease and DesistFor the relative who has asked at every single gathering since the wedding.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 23.3An alarm that wakes everyone but themIssues: Alarm Discipline OrderFor the one whose alarm rings for forty minutes in an empty room.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 27.5Commenting on the drivingIssues: Backseat Driving InjunctionFor the passenger who brakes hard on a mat with no pedal under it.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.3Undermining the rules with the grandchildrenIssues: Rule Undermining InjunctionFor the grandparent who returns them at ten at night, full of sugar, delighted.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.7The weekend visit that becomes a two weeksIssues: Visit Duration OrderFor the in-laws whose three nights have entered a second week.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 10.6Buying things nobody neededIssues: Discretionary Spending NoticeFor the one who found a bargain on something nobody had thought about until it arrived.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 19.1A package arriving every single dayIssues: Impulse Acquisition WarningFor the one whose delivery driver knows them by name and by first name.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.2Unsolicited parenting adviceIssues: Unsolicited Guidance OrderFor the relative who has an opinion on every decision you make about your own child.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 34.1Keeping absolutely everythingIssues: Accumulation Cease and DesistFor the one who cannot throw anything away in case it comes in useful in 2041.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 37.2On their phone all the timeIssues: Undivided Attention OrderFor the one who is in the room and somewhere else at the same time.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.2Leaving hair in the drainIssues: Drain Clearance NoticeFor the housemate who leaves the shower looking like a crime scene.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 22.4Tagging you in everythingIssues: Tagging Restraint OrderFor the one who tags you in nine posts a day, none of them relevant.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.6Farting in front of everyoneIssues: Ambient Emission NoticeFor the one who has stopped apologizing, stopped leaving the room, and started rating them.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 27.2Texting while drivingIssues: Handheld Device InjunctionThe single most complained-of driving habit there is. For the one who reads texts at the lights, and then after them.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 10.2Splitting the bill evenlyIssues: Equitable Division OrderFor the one who orders the lobster and then suggests splitting it down the middle.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 4.2Every light in the house onIssues: Illumination Discipline NoticeFor the one who lights the whole house and then sits in one room of it.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 7.3Taking the last of it and saying nothingIssues: Provision Replacement OrderFor the one who takes the last coffee and puts the empty tin back.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 18.9Never choosing the restaurantIssues: Decision Abdication NoticeFor the one who doesn’t mind, has no preference, and rejects all six suggestions.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 16.4Watching ahead without youIssues: Simultaneous Viewing OrderFor the partner who watched three more episodes and then pretended not to have.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 17.1Spending every evening on video gamesIssues: Recreational Excess NoticeFor the one who has been about to save and quit since Tuesday.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 7.8Backseat cookingIssues: Kitchen Interference OrderFor the one who supervises the cooking without ever having done any.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 10.4Always forgetting their walletIssues: Means of Payment OrderFor the one whose wallet is always in the other coat.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 10.5Always getting you next timeIssues: Reciprocity Enforcement NoticeFor the friend for whom next time has never once arrived.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 24.3TV at a volume nobody needsIssues: Broadcast Volume OrderFor the one who watches everything at a volume audible from the yard.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.4Cracking knuckles constantlyIssues: Percussive Habit NoticeFor the one who cracks every joint they own, in sequence, all day.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 13.3Full brightness in a dark roomIssues: Screen Luminance OrderFor the one whose screen lights the whole bedroom like a small sun.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 20.3Never bringing anythingIssues: Contribution NoticeFor the friend who arrives at every dinner with nothing but an appetite.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 18.5Eating off other people’s platesIssues: Plate Boundary InjunctionFor the one who ordered a salad and is now eating your chips.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.8Rearranging your kitchen while “helping”Issues: Unauthorized Reorganization NoticeFor the relative who washes up and leaves you unable to find anything for a month.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.6Comparing you to your siblingIssues: Comparative Assessment NoticeFor the parent who has never once mentioned your news without mentioning your brother’s.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 20.2Never knowing when to leaveIssues: Departure Enforcement OrderFor the guest who is still there an hour after everybody stood up.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 20.4Bringing an unannounced plus-oneIssues: Unregistered Guest OrderFor the guest who brings someone you have never met to a table set for six.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 38.2Their partner has effectively moved inIssues: Unregistered Occupancy NoticeFor the roommate whose partner is now a fourth tenant paying nothing.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 10.3Requesting three dollars backIssues: Micro-Request Cease and DesistFor the friend who sends a payment request for a coffee. With an emoji.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 19.2Buying things and never returning themIssues: Unreturned Goods NoticeFor the one with four bags by the door, all of them going back, none of them going back.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 27.7Never refilling the tankIssues: Fuel Level NoticeFor the one who returns the car on fumes and says nothing about it.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 21.1One-word repliesIssues: Minimum Reply OrderFor the one whose answer to a paragraph is “K”.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 37.1Going quiet for days then reappearingIssues: Availability Disclosure OrderFor the one who vanishes for four days and returns with “hey stranger”.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 37.4Canceling the day of, every timeIssues: Same-Day Withdrawal NoticeFor the one who cancels at five for a seven o’clock table.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.9Posting photos of your children onlineIssues: Juvenile Image Publication OrderFor the relative who posts your children to their four hundred followers without asking.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.10Sniffing instead of using a tissueIssues: Tissue Deployment NoticeFor the one who has sniffed every forty seconds since November.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 22.2Checking in everywhereIssues: Location Broadcast NoticeFor the one who documents every meal, gate and gym session as it happens.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 21.4Replying to messages from days agoIssues: Delayed Thread NoticeFor the one who answers a question from Tuesday, on Saturday, with no context.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 4.3Leaving the water runningIssues: Water Discipline OrderFor the one who brushes their teeth with the water running the entire time.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.5Picking their nose in companyIssues: Nasal Conduct OrderFor the one who thinks nobody can see them at a red light. Everybody can see them.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 7.2Leaving cabinet doors openIssues: Cabinet Door CitationFor the one who opens everything and closes nothing.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 34.2Keeping every takeout containerIssues: Vessel Retention OrderFor the household whose entire cabinet is empty plastic tubs, and one lid.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 19.3Never sticking to the groceries listIssues: Provisioning Discipline OrderFor the one sent for milk who returns with everything except milk.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 32.1Never remembering birthdaysIssues: Anniversary Recollection NoticeFor the one who has never once remembered without being told, twice.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 35.1Always ordering one more roundIssues: Closing Time OrderFor the friend who orders another round while everyone else is putting their coat on.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 24.4Never letting anybody else pick the musicIssues: Selection Rights OrderFor the one who has controlled every playlist since you met them.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 16.3Talking through the filmIssues: Broadcast Interference OrderFor the one who asks who that is, every time, during the line that explains who that is.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 14.5Telling the same story againIssues: Repetition NoticeFor the relative whose best story you have now heard forty times.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 14.4Asking then not listeningIssues: Attention Deficit CitationFor the one who asks how you are and is gone before the second word.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 22.1Posting unflattering photos of youIssues: Image Publication OrderFor the friend who always picks the photo where they look good and you do not.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 37.3Talking about their ex constantlyIssues: Prior Matter RestrictionFor the one whose ex has attended every date you have been on.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 35.3Texting everyone at 2amIssues: Nocturnal Correspondence InjunctionFor the friend whose most heartfelt messages all arrive between one and three in the morning.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 21.6Texting “call me” and never answeringIssues: Contact Method OrderFor the one who sends “call me” and then does not pick up, for two days.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 13.1Phone permanently at three percentIssues: Charge Level CitationFor the one whose phone dies at the exact moment it is needed, every time.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 25.1The repair that never happensIssues: Deferred Repair NoticeFor the one who has been going to fix it since a previous government.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 25.2Half-finished projects everywhereIssues: Incomplete Works OrderFor the one whose house has three rooms at ninety percent and none at a hundred.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.3Wearing outdoor shoes insideIssues: Footwear Removal OrderFor the guest who walks the entire street through your house.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 14.1Interrupting constantlyIssues: Interruption Cease and DesistFor the one who has never once heard the end of a sentence.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 13.4Typing with the clicks onIssues: Keyboard Acoustics NoticeFor the one whose phone clicks for every single letter, in a silent room.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 11.1Reclining the seat fullyIssues: Seat Recline InjunctionFor the passenger who goes fully horizontal the second the wheels leave the ground.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 11.4Using your baggage allowanceIssues: Baggage Allowance Requisition NoticeFor the travel companion whose case is always four kilos over, and yours never is.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 33.1Talking about their dietIssues: Dietary Evangelism WarningFor the one who has told you what they no longer eat, at every meal, since January.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 35.2Never being the one to go homeIssues: Departure NoticeFor the friend who has never once left a party before it ended, or after.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 25.3Never changing the bulbIssues: Illumination Restoration NoticeFor the household that has lived by the light of one working bulb since spring.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 18.2Ordering for the whole tableIssues: Ordering Authority OrderFor the one who orders for everybody and asks nobody.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 27.6Driving too close behindIssues: Following Distance OrderFor the driver who sits close enough that you can read their expression.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 27.4Refusing to let anyone mergeIssues: Merge Courtesy NoticeFor the driver who closes the gap the instant an indicator comes on.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 27.3Sitting in the passing laneIssues: Lane Discipline OrderFor the driver who has lived in the outside lane for eleven miles at the same speed.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 14.3Explaining what you just saidIssues: Redundant Explanation OrderFor the one who repeats your own point back to you, slowly, as a favor.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 36.4Commenting on your appearanceIssues: Personal Remarks OrderFor the relative whose greeting is always an observation about your face, weight or hair.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.11Burping at the tableIssues: Table Conduct OrderFor the one who does it at volume and then looks around for a reaction.Choose 3Serve ▸§ 2.1Clipping nails in shared roomsIssues: Grooming Location OrderFor the one who does that on the sofa. In front of people. With a sound.Choose 3Serve ▸
1–10 of 93

Romance is noticing. This is noticing, formally.

One notice $14.99. Every third one is free.

Serve your partner