Micro-Request Cease and Desist

For the friend who sends a payment request for a coffee. With an emoji. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Micro-Request Cease and Desist · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Accounts and Settlement
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Solicitation of Trivial Sums by Application
File VEN-7261Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 10.3a
    Solicitation of trivial sums. Requesting an amount smaller than the effort required to request it.
  2. § 10.3b
    Immediate issuance. Sending the request before the other party has reached the door.
  3. § 10.3c
    The itemised evening. Producing a line-by-line reconciliation of a social occasion.
  4. § 10.3d
    Emoji aggravation. Attaching decoration to a demand, thereby making it worse.
  5. § 10.3e
    Automated reminder. Permitting the application to pursue the matter on your behalf, repeatedly.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent absorb sums below the price of a coffee without comment, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseRequesting three pounds backSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file VEN-7261
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it in response to the request. Do not pay it first.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 2.4Cracking knuckles constantlyPercussive Habit Notice§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 14.1Interrupting constantlyInterruption Cease and Desist