Nasal Conduct Order

For the one who thinks nobody can see them at a red light. Everybody can see them. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Nasal Conduct Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Personal Hygiene
Final Notice
In the matter of Excavation Conducted in Public View
File NOS-3090Issued AUGUST 24, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffensePicking their nose in companySeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 2.5a
    Excavation in public view. Conducting the operation in a room containing other people.
  2. § 2.5b
    The traffic light. Believing a windscreen to be a one-way mirror, daily.
  3. § 2.5c
    Depth. Proceeding past any depth a tissue could not have reached.
  4. § 2.5d
    Inspection. Examining the findings at length before deciding what to do with them.
  5. § 2.5e
    Disposal by upholstery. Resolving the matter against furniture belonging to somebody else.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent use a tissue, in another room, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file NOS-3090
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it mid-excavation. The timing is the whole document.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 2.13Scratching wherever they likePublic Grooming Order§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 2.7Not washing their handsHand Hygiene Order