For someone guilty of being late to everything

Chronic Lateness Warning

For the friend whose “leaving now” has never once meant leaving now. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Office of Punctuality and Scheduling
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Habitual Failure to Arrive
File LAT-2145Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseBeing late to everythingSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 31.2a
    Misrepresentation of departure. Transmitting the message “leaving now” while demonstrably still indoors and not wearing shoes.
  2. § 31.2b
    Optimistic estimation. Assessing a twenty-five minute journey as “about ten”, repeatedly, over a period of years.
  3. § 31.2c
    Unlawful transfer of urgency. Converting your own delay into everybody else’s emergency upon arrival.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent arrive at the stated time, being the time stated, on the day stated, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not a legal deadline, but neither was the last one.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file LAT-2145
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while waiting for them. You will have time.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 21.2Leaving messages on readRead Receipt Citation§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order§ 10.2Splitting the bill evenlyEquitable Division Order

Also called punctuality · late · timekeeping · tardy