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Chronic Lateness Warning · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Punctuality and Scheduling

Notice of Warning

In the matter of Habitual Failure to Arrive
File LAT-2145Issued AUGUST 22, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 31.2a
    Misrepresentation of departure. Transmitting the message “leaving now” while demonstrably still indoors and not wearing shoes.
  2. § 31.2b
    Optimistic estimation. Assessing a twenty-five minute journey as “about ten”, repeatedly, over a period of years.
  3. § 31.2c
    Unlawful transfer of urgency. Converting your own delay into everybody else’s emergency upon arrival.
  4. § 31.2d
    Reservation endangerment. Placing a held table at material risk while selecting an alternative jacket.
  5. § 31.2e
    Traffic, as a defense. Citing conditions that were equally present for every other person who arrived on time.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent arrive at the stated time, being the time stated, on the day stated, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseBeing late to everythingSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file LAT-2145
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Office of Punctuality and Scheduling

Instructions

for the service of notice
File LAT-2145To be read aloudDo not smile

Service must be performed in person. Read the marked passages exactly as written. Anything in italics is direction and should not be read aloud, however tempting.

Before you begin

Serve it while waiting for them. You will have time.

Have a witness present if you can. It doubles the audience and gives you someone to sign the form.

Give the witness your phone and have them film it. The document is the gift; their face is the part you keep.

Hold the notice with both hands. Do not smile. The whole thing collapses if you smile.

The service

“MARCUS. Do I have your attention.”

“I am serving you with a Chronic Lateness Warning, file number LAT-2145, issued this day under the Office of Punctuality and Scheduling.”

“You have been found in breach of five provisions. I will read them.”

— read the charges from the notice, in order, without editorial —

The order

“It is therefore ordered that you comply, effective immediately.”

“A response is required. The code is on the stub.”

“Do you accept service?”

After they accept

Hand them the stub. Point at the code. Say nothing else — they will fill the silence themselves.

Sign the notice. Have your witness sign it. They keep it.

You may smile now.

Post the footage and tag @youvebeenserved. The best ones go on the wall, and whoever filmed it serves their next one on us.

Keep your copy. Hand over the stub. Say nothing else.