For someone guilty of texting everyone at 2am

Nocturnal Correspondence Injunction

For the friend whose most heartfelt messages all arrive between one and three in the morning. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Office of Revelry
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Transmission at an Unsuitable Hour and Condition
File DRU-2038Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseTexting everyone at 2amSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 35.3a
    Transmission at an unsuitable hour. Sending correspondence at a time reserved by all parties for sleep.
  2. § 35.3b
    Volume of despatch. Producing eleven messages where one would have been eleven too many.
  3. § 35.3c
    Emotional escalation. Reaching, unprompted, a level of sentiment unavailable during daylight.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent surrender the phone to a responsible party before the evening begins, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file DRU-2038
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it the following morning, with the transcript attached.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 21.2Leaving messages on readRead Receipt Citation§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order

Also called drunk · drinking · texting · party