For someone guilty of buying things nobody needed

Discretionary Spending Notice

For the one who found a bargain on something nobody had thought about until it arrived. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Bureau of Accounts and Settlement
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Habitual Unnecessary Purchase
File SHO-4644Issued AUGUST 30, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseBuying things nobody neededSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 10.6a
    Purchase without occasion. Acquisition of an item on a day carrying no birthday, no holiday and no stated need.
  2. § 10.6b
    The saving that cost money. Presentation of a discount as a gain, in respect of an item nobody had intended to buy.
  3. § 10.6c
    Duplication of stock. Purchase of a fourth item identical in function to three already in the house.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent wait one week before buying anything that was not already on a list, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. A sale is not a saving.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SHO-4644
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it beside the unopened boxes, where the evidence is already doing the work.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 7.6Loading the dishwasher wrongLoading Standards Notice§ 36.10Buying the loudest possible toyAcoustic Gift Injunction§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order

Also called shopping · spending · impulse · buying · online · orders · sales · money