Final Notice
In the matter of Unfavourable Comparison to a Relative
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household
You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:
- § 36.6aUnfavourable comparison. Measuring one person’s circumstances against a relative’s in their presence.
- § 36.6bAchievement relay. Reporting a sibling’s news immediately after receiving yours.
- § 36.6cThe unfavourable timing. Selecting the announcement of good news as the moment to introduce better.
- § 36.6dHistoric citation. Referring to a school report from a period now decades closed.
- § 36.6eSelective pride. Distributing enthusiasm at a ratio noticeable to everybody at the table.
It is therefore ordered that the Respondent discuss each person’s life without reference to anybody else’s, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SIB-8013
Marcus
Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.
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