Table Conduct Order

For the one who does it at volume and then looks around for a reaction. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Table Conduct Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Ambient Air
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Audible Release During Service of Food
File BUR-8701Issued AUGUST 24, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseBurping at the tableSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 2.11a
    Audible release. Producing the sound at a table where food is being eaten.
  2. § 2.11b
    Volume selection. Extending it well past the point at which it had finished naturally.
  3. § 2.11c
    The sought reaction. Surveying the table afterwards for a response.
  4. § 2.11d
    Alphabetical ambition. Attempting to form words, at a table containing guests.
  5. § 2.11e
    Non-apology. Treating the act as a contribution rather than an interruption.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent cover it, apologise once, and move on, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file BUR-8701
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it across the table, immediately, without comment.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 16.4Watching ahead without youSimultaneous Viewing Order§ 20.2Never knowing when to leaveDeparture Enforcement Order§ 16.5Talking over the matchMatch Commentary Injunction