Personal Remarks Order

For the relative whose greeting is always an observation about your face, weight or hair. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Personal Remarks Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Extended Family Relations
Final Notice
In the matter of Unsolicited Observation on Physical Condition
File APP-6312Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 36.4a
    Unsolicited observation. Commenting on another’s physical condition without invitation.
  2. § 36.4b
    The tired opener. Substituting an observation about fatigue for a greeting.
  3. § 36.4c
    Weight commentary. Remarking on a change in either direction, both of which are worse.
  4. § 36.4d
    Compliment inversion. Framing criticism as praise for a previous state.
  5. § 36.4e
    The audience. Making the remark at a volume that includes the room.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent greet people without reference to how they look, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseCommenting on your appearanceSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file APP-6312
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it on arrival, in place of a greeting.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 36.1Asking when you are having childrenReproductive Enquiry Cease and Desist§ 36.6Comparing you to your siblingComparative Assessment Notice§ 36.9Posting photos of your children onlineJuvenile Image Publication Order§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning