Illumination Restoration Notice

For the household that has lived by the light of one working bulb since spring. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Illumination Restoration Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Domestic Maintenance
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Persistence of a Failed Light Source
File LIG-8299Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 25.3a
    Persistence of failure. Permitting a failed source to remain in place for months.
  2. § 25.3b
    Adaptive behaviour. Adjusting your habits around the darkness rather than addressing it.
  3. § 25.3c
    The unbought bulb. Passing the correct item in a shop, weekly, without acquiring it.
  4. § 25.3d
    Wrong fitting acquisition. Buying, eventually, a bulb of the wrong fitting, and stopping there.
  5. § 25.3e
    Lamp substitution. Relocating a lamp from another room, thereby creating a second dark room.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent replace the bulb within a week of it failing, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseNever changing the bulbSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file LIG-8299
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it in the room. Bring a torch.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 24.3TV at a volume nobody needsBroadcast Volume Order§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 4.2Every light in the house onIllumination Discipline Notice