Closing Time Order

For the friend who orders another round while everyone else is putting their coat on. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Closing Time Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Revelry
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Extension of an Evening Beyond Consensus
File ONE-3716Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 35.1a
    Extension beyond consensus. Prolonging an evening the group has agreed to conclude.
  2. § 35.1b
    The pre-emptive round. Ordering while others are visibly gathering their belongings.
  3. § 35.1c
    Coat obstruction. Physically intercepting a departure already under way.
  4. § 35.1d
    Weeknight disregard. Applying the practice on an evening preceding a working day.
  5. § 35.1e
    Escalation of venue. Proposing a further establishment at an hour when few remain open.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent let the evening end when the group has decided it has ended, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseAlways ordering one more roundSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file ONE-3716
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it as the coats go on, before they reach the bar.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 14.1Interrupting constantlyInterruption Cease and Desist§ 21.1One-word repliesMinimum Reply Order