For someone guilty of keeping absolutely everything

Accumulation Cease and Desist

For the one who cannot throw anything away in case it comes in useful in 2041. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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The notice and the serving script, delivered instantly. Print it, or send the link.
Bureau of Accumulation and Storage
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Retention of Goods Beyond Any Use
File HOA-6386Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseKeeping absolutely everythingSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 34.1a
    Retention beyond use. Keeping items whose usefulness ended during a previous decade.
  2. § 34.1b
    The hypothetical need. Justifying retention by a scenario that has never once occurred.
  3. § 34.1c
    Cable archaeology. Maintaining a drawer of leads for devices no longer manufactured.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent remove one item for every item that enters the house, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not a clinical opinion, but the cabinet is full.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file HOA-6386
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it in front of the cabinet. Open it first.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 19.1A package arriving every single dayImpulse Acquisition Warning§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order§ 2.6Farting in front of everyoneAmbient Emission Notice

Also called hoarder · hoarding · clutter · junk · mess · messy · stuff · clearout