Final Notice
In the matter of Retention of Goods Beyond Any Use
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household
You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:
- § 34.1aRetention beyond use. Keeping items whose usefulness ended during a previous decade.
- § 34.1bThe hypothetical need. Justifying retention by a scenario that has never once occurred.
- § 34.1cCable archaeology. Maintaining a drawer of leads for devices no longer manufactured.
- § 34.1dManual preservation. Retaining instructions for appliances disposed of years ago.
- § 34.1eSurface colonisation. Advancing across a table, a chair and then a room.
It is therefore ordered that the Respondent remove one item for every item that enters the house, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file HOA-6386
Marcus
Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.
https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00