Ambient Emission Notice

For the one who has stopped apologising, stopped leaving the room, and started rating them. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Ambient Emission Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Ambient Air
Final Notice
In the matter of Unannounced Release in a Shared Room
File FAR-2809Issued AUGUST 24, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseFarting in front of everyoneSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 2.6a
    Unannounced release. Proceeding in a shared room without warning or withdrawal.
  2. § 2.6b
    Confined space selection. Choosing a car, a lift or a duvet, being the three worst available.
  3. § 2.6c
    The window refusal. Declining to open one on the grounds that it is cold.
  4. § 2.6d
    Attribution to the dog. Assigning responsibility to an animal that has left the room.
  5. § 2.6e
    Self-assessment. Rating your own output aloud, to people who did not ask.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent leave the room first, and say nothing on your return, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file FAR-2809
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it immediately afterwards, while the evidence is still with you.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 2.7Not washing their handsHand Hygiene Order§ 2.10Sniffing instead of using a tissueTissue Deployment Notice