Drain Clearance Notice

For the housemate who leaves the shower looking like a crime scene. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Drain Clearance Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Personal Hygiene
Final Notice
In the matter of Accumulation of Matter in a Shared Outlet
File DRA-9278Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 2.2a
    Accumulation in a shared outlet. Leaving matter at a drain for another party to encounter.
  2. § 2.2b
    Wall application. Relocating matter to a vertical tiled surface as an interim measure.
  3. § 2.2c
    The standing water. Permitting a blockage to develop to the point of a shallow indoor pond.
  4. § 2.2d
    Delegated clearance. Awaiting the intervention of a housemate with a stronger stomach.
  5. § 2.2e
    Chemical escalation. Addressing months of accumulation with a bottle rather than a hand.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent clear the drain after every use, with your own hand, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseLeaving hair in the drainSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file DRA-9278
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while the shower is still running. Take them to the drain.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 24.3TV at a volume nobody needsBroadcast Volume Order§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 4.2Every light in the house onIllumination Discipline Notice