Charge Level Citation

For the one whose phone dies at the exact moment it is needed, every time. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Charge Level Citation · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Devices and Connectivity
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Chronic Failure to Maintain Charge
File BAT-3305Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 13.1a
    Chronic failure to maintain charge. Operating a device at a level that cannot survive the evening.
  2. § 13.1b
    The critical departure. Leaving the house at eight percent with no means of remedy.
  3. § 13.1c
    Cable appropriation. Removing a charger from a shared room and not returning it.
  4. § 13.1d
    Predictable disappearance. Becoming uncontactable at the precise moment of a meeting point.
  5. § 13.1e
    The unshared power bank. Depleting another’s battery pack and returning it empty.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent arrive at any arrangement with a phone above forty percent, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffensePhone permanently at three percentSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file BAT-3305
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while their phone is dying. It will be.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 14.1Interrupting constantlyInterruption Cease and Desist§ 16.4Watching ahead without youSimultaneous Viewing Order