For someone guilty of talking about their diet

Dietary Evangelism Warning

For the one who has told you what they no longer eat, at every meal, since January. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Commission on Wellness
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Unsolicited Promotion of a Regimen
File DIE-5145Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseTalking about their dietSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 33.1a
    Unsolicited promotion. Introducing a regimen to a conversation that had not sought one.
  2. § 33.1b
    Mealtime commentary. Remarking on the contents of another person’s plate.
  3. § 33.1c
    Conversion attempt. Recommending the regimen to a listener who has declined it twice.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent discuss your regimen only with people who have asked about it, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
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This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file DIE-5145
Marcus
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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it at dinner, before the first course.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 21.2Leaving messages on readRead Receipt Citation§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order

Also called diet · food · health · vegan · boring · talking