For someone guilty of snoring like machinery

Nocturnal Noise Abatement Order

For the one who sleeps beautifully and lets nobody else. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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The notice and the serving script, delivered instantly. Print it, or send the link.
Bureau of Nocturnal Conduct
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Emission of Noise During Sleeping Hours
File SNO-6760Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseSnoring like machinerySeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 23.6a
    Emission of noise. Production of sound at a volume for which the room was neither designed nor insulated.
  2. § 23.6b
    Denial upon waking. Assertion that the Respondent does not snore, offered to a witness who did not sleep.
  3. § 23.6c
    Rejection of remedy. Refusal of a strip, a pillow, an appointment and the sofa, in that order.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent seek a strip, a pillow, a doctor, or the sofa, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not a diagnosis, but do consider a pillow.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SNO-6760
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve in the morning, while they are explaining how well they slept.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 12.4Occupying the bathroom for hoursBathroom Occupancy Order§ 18.3Phone at the dinner tableDinner Table Phone Ban

Also called sleep · noisy · bedroom