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Nocturnal Noise Abatement Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Nocturnal Conduct

Final Notice

In the matter of Emission of Noise During Sleeping Hours
File SNO-6760Issued AUGUST 22, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 23.6a
    Emission of noise. Production of sound at a volume for which the room was neither designed nor insulated.
  2. § 23.6b
    Denial upon waking. Assertion that the Respondent does not snore, offered to a witness who did not sleep.
  3. § 23.6c
    Rejection of remedy. Refusal of a strip, a pillow, an appointment and the sofa, in that order.
  4. § 23.6d
    Report of superior rest. Description of an excellent night’s sleep to a party who is known to have had none.
  5. § 23.6e
    Resumption after intervention. Return to full volume within ninety seconds of being gently and lovingly moved.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent seek a strip, a pillow, a doctor, or the sofa, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseSnoring like machinerySeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SNO-6760
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Bureau of Nocturnal Conduct

Instructions

for the service of notice
File SNO-6760To be read aloudDo not smile

Service must be performed in person. Read the marked passages exactly as written. Anything in italics is direction and should not be read aloud, however tempting.

Before you begin

Serve in the morning, while they are explaining how well they slept.

Have a witness present if you can. It doubles the audience and gives you someone to sign the form.

Give the witness your phone and have them film it. The document is the gift; their face is the part you keep.

Hold the notice with both hands. Do not smile. The whole thing collapses if you smile.

The service

“MARCUS. Do I have your attention.”

“I am serving you with a Nocturnal Noise Abatement Order, file number SNO-6760, issued this day under the Bureau of Nocturnal Conduct.”

“You have been found in breach of five provisions. I will read them.”

— read the charges from the notice, in order, without editorial —

The order

“It is therefore ordered that you comply, effective immediately.”

“A response is required. The code is on the stub.”

“Do you accept service?”

After they accept

Hand them the stub. Point at the code. Say nothing else — they will fill the silence themselves.

Sign the notice. Have your witness sign it. They keep it.

You may smile now.

Post the footage and tag @youvebeenserved. The best ones go on the wall, and whoever filmed it serves their next one on us.

Keep your copy. Hand over the stub. Say nothing else.