For someone guilty of buying things and never returning them

Unreturned Goods Notice

For the one with four bags by the door, all of them going back, none of them going back. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Office of Provisioning and Retail
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Non-Execution of Intended Returns
File RET-4679Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseBuying things and never returning themSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 19.2a
    Non-execution of returns. Declaring an intention to return goods and not doing so.
  2. § 19.2b
    Hallway staging. Establishing a permanent collection point beside the front door.
  3. § 19.2c
    Window expiry. Allowing the return period to lapse and then keeping the item anyway.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent return unwanted goods within the week or keep them without further comment, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file RET-4679
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it beside the bags. Point at the bags.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 19.1A package arriving every single dayImpulse Acquisition Warning§ 34.1Keeping absolutely everythingAccumulation Cease and Desist§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order

Also called groceries · shopaholic · returns · refunds · spending