Cabinet Door Citation

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

1. § 7.2a
   Failure to close. Removal of an item from a cabinet without any subsequent action of any kind.
2. § 7.2b
   Creation of a head-height hazard. Maintenance of an open door at the exact altitude of another member of the household.
3. § 7.2c
   Multiple simultaneous openings. Operation of three doors and one drawer at once, for a single slice of bread.
4. § 7.2d
   Denial of authorship. Attribution of the open doors to persons who were not in the building at the time.
5. § 7.2e
   Repetition within the hour. Commission of the same offense forty minutes after the last one was pointed out.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent close each door immediately upon removing its contents, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.