For someone guilty of never bringing anything

Contribution Notice

For the friend who arrives at every dinner with nothing but an appetite. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Office of Hospitality
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Attendance Without Contribution
File EMP-1943Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseNever bringing anythingSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 20.3a
    Attendance without contribution. Arriving at a hosted occasion bearing nothing.
  2. § 20.3b
    The offered enquiry. Asking what to bring, being told, and bringing none of it.
  3. § 20.3c
    Consumption asymmetry. Drinking materially more than was brought by anybody, including you.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent bring something drinkable or edible to every occasion you attend, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file EMP-1943
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it at the door, in place of the bottle they did not bring.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 19.1A package arriving every single dayImpulse Acquisition Warning§ 34.1Keeping absolutely everythingAccumulation Cease and Desist§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order

Also called guests · wine · bringing · dinner · party