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Decision Abdication Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Commission on Household Dining

Notice of Warning

In the matter of Persistent Refusal to Choose a Venue
File VEN-5339Issued AUGUST 22, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 18.9a
    Abdication of choice. Repeated deferral of a decision the Respondent is fully equipped to make.
  2. § 18.9b
    Rejection without alternative. Dismissal of six proposals in succession while offering none of their own.
  3. § 18.9c
    Retrospective preference. Disclosure, after the meal, of where the Respondent would have preferred to go.
  4. § 18.9d
    Consumption of deliberation time. Expenditure of fifty minutes on a matter that required ninety seconds.
  5. § 18.9e
    Transfer of blame. Attribution of the eventual choice, and its failure, to the Complainant.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent name one venue, out loud, without being asked twice, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseNever choosing the restaurantSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file VEN-5339
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Commission on Household Dining

Instructions

for the service of notice
File VEN-5339To be read aloudDo not smile

Service must be performed in person. Read the marked passages exactly as written. Anything in italics is direction and should not be read aloud, however tempting.

Before you begin

Serve at the moment they say they don’t mind. Have it ready. They will say it.

Have a witness present if you can. It doubles the audience and gives you someone to sign the form.

Give the witness your phone and have them film it. The document is the gift; their face is the part you keep.

Hold the notice with both hands. Do not smile. The whole thing collapses if you smile.

The service

“MARCUS. Do I have your attention.”

“I am serving you with a Decision Abdication Notice, file number VEN-5339, issued this day under the Commission on Household Dining.”

“You have been found in breach of five provisions. I will read them.”

— read the charges from the notice, in order, without editorial —

The order

“It is therefore ordered that you comply, effective immediately.”

“A response is required. The code is on the stub.”

“Do you accept service?”

After they accept

Hand them the stub. Point at the code. Say nothing else — they will fill the silence themselves.

Sign the notice. Have your witness sign it. They keep it.

You may smile now.

Post the footage and tag @youvebeenserved. The best ones go on the wall, and whoever filmed it serves their next one on us.

Keep your copy. Hand over the stub. Say nothing else.