Means of Payment Order

For the one whose wallet is always in the other coat. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Means of Payment Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Accounts and Settlement
Final Notice
In the matter of Habitual Arrival Without Means
File WAL-7661Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 10.4a
    Habitual arrival without means. Attending a paid occasion without any method of paying.
  2. § 10.4b
    The other coat. Attributing the absence to a garment at home, on each occasion.
  3. § 10.4c
    Declined card theatre. Producing a card known in advance to be non-functional.
  4. § 10.4d
    Delayed discovery. Establishing the absence only after the food has been eaten.
  5. § 10.4e
    The unresolved undertaking. Promising to settle later and not returning to the subject.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent carry a means of payment and use it first, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseAlways forgetting their walletSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file WAL-7661
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

Serve it as the bill arrives, while they are patting their pockets.

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.