Kitchen Interference Order

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

1. § 7.8a
   Direction without participation. Instructing a cook while contributing no part of the labour.
2. § 7.8b
   Heat adjudication. Adjusting a hob belonging to somebody else’s process.
3. § 7.8c
   The premature verdict. Assessing a dish at a stage before it could be assessed.
4. § 7.8d
   Seasoning intervention. Adding salt to a pan you have neither tasted nor tended.
5. § 7.8e
   Method citation. Referring to how a relative did it, at length, while it burns.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent cook it yourself or say nothing until it is served, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.