For someone guilty of never knowing when to leave

Departure Enforcement Order

For the guest who is still there an hour after everybody stood up. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Office of Hospitality
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Occupation Beyond the Natural Conclusion
File OVE-4905Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseNever knowing when to leaveSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 20.2a
    Occupation beyond conclusion. Remaining after the occasion has plainly ended.
  2. § 20.2b
    Signal disregard. Proceeding past the collection of glasses, the yawn and the standing.
  3. § 20.2c
    The final drink. Accepting one more at an hour when the offer was purely formal.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent leave within twenty minutes of the first person standing up, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file OVE-4905
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while they are sitting back down. Remain standing.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 19.1A package arriving every single dayImpulse Acquisition Warning§ 34.1Keeping absolutely everythingAccumulation Cease and Desist§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order

Also called guests · visitors · leaving · party · outstaying