You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

1. § 23.1a
   Illumination of a shared sleeping area. Operating a lit screen within a room occupied by a person actively attempting to sleep.
2. § 23.1b
   False declaration of intent. Stating “one more” on eleven separate occasions within a single evening.
3. § 23.1c
   Wilful degradation of the following morning. Knowingly incurring a sleep debt that will be repaid, with interest, by everyone in the household.
4. § 23.1d
   Audible autoplay. Permitting a video to begin without warning at a volume incompatible with unconsciousness.
5. § 23.1e
   Denial upon questioning. Claiming to have been asleep for hours when the ceiling was visibly blue.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent surrender the device to the bedside table no later than eleven (11) o’clock, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.