Final Notice
In the matter of Operation of Machinery at an Uncivil Hour
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household
You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:
- § 30.3aOperation at an uncivil hour. Starting an engine at an hour when reasonable people are still asleep.
- § 30.3bSelection of the loudest instrument. Choosing a leaf blower where a rake would have done, and done it quietly.
- § 30.3cWeekend aggravation. Reserving the noisiest task for the one morning nobody has to be awake.
- § 30.3dProlonged idling. Running the machine for forty minutes to move leaves a distance of two metres.
- § 30.3eThe returning leaf. Blowing the matter onto a neighbouring property, from which it will return.
It is therefore ordered that the Respondent commence no machinery before nine on a weekday and ten at a weekend, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file BLO-3523
Marcus
Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.
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