Fouling Removal Order

For the neighbour whose dog has never once been followed with a bag. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Fouling Removal Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Neighbourly Relations
Final Notice
In the matter of Failure to Recover Deposited Matter
File DOG-7376Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 30.1a
    Failure to recover. Departing the scene of a deposit with the bag still folded in the pocket.
  2. § 30.1b
    Wilful non-observation. Looking meaningfully at the sky for the precise duration of the act.
  3. § 30.1c
    Abandonment in situ. Leaving the matter where it fell on the reasoning that rain exists.
  4. § 30.1d
    The tied bag, unretrieved. Bagging the matter, tying the bag, and then leaving the bag. A worse outcome than doing nothing.
  5. § 30.1e
    Territorial expansion. Permitting the dog onto a lawn that is demonstrably not yours.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent carry a bag, use the bag, and take the bag with you, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseNot picking up after the dogSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file DOG-7376
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it on the pavement, ideally near the evidence.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 24.3TV at a volume nobody needsBroadcast Volume Order§ 20.1Turning up unannouncedUnannounced Visit Notice§ 30.3Power tools at seven in the morningDawn Machinery Injunction§ 25.1The repair that never happensDeferred Repair Notice