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Dirty Dishes Final Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Department of Kitchen Standards

Final Notice

In the matter of Kitchen Sanitation and Basin Use
File DIS-4532Issued AUGUST 22, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 7.9a
    Indefinite soaking. Filling a vessel with water and describing this as progress. Soaking is not cleaning. It has never been cleaning.
  2. § 7.9b
    Occupation of a shared basin. Rendering the sink unusable to other members of the household for a period exceeding twenty-four hours.
  3. § 7.9c
    Proximity offense. Placing an item beside the dishwasher rather than inside it, a distance of some four inches.
  4. § 7.9d
    Cultivation without license. Permitting the growth of matter not present at the time of the meal.
  5. § 7.9e
    Selective blindness. Passing the sink repeatedly, at close range, in good light, without incident.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent clear all items to the dishwasher within one (1) hour of use, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseLeaving dishes in the sinkSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file DIS-4532
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Department of Kitchen Standards

Instructions

for the service of notice
File DIS-4532To be read aloudDo not smile

Service must be performed in person. Read the marked passages exactly as written. Anything in italics is direction and should not be read aloud, however tempting.

Before you begin

Stand at the sink. Do not clear anything first — the exhibit is the evidence.

Have a witness present if you can. It doubles the audience and gives you someone to sign the form.

Give the witness your phone and have them film it. The document is the gift; their face is the part you keep.

Hold the notice with both hands. Do not smile. The whole thing collapses if you smile.

The service

“MARCUS. Do I have your attention.”

“I am serving you with a Dirty Dishes Final Notice, file number DIS-4532, issued this day under the Department of Kitchen Standards.”

“You have been found in breach of five provisions. I will read them.”

— read the charges from the notice, in order, without editorial —

The order

“It is therefore ordered that you comply, effective immediately.”

“A response is required. The code is on the stub.”

“Do you accept service?”

After they accept

Hand them the stub. Point at the code. Say nothing else — they will fill the silence themselves.

Sign the notice. Have your witness sign it. They keep it.

You may smile now.

Post the footage and tag @youvebeenserved. The best ones go on the wall, and whoever filmed it serves their next one on us.

Keep your copy. Hand over the stub. Say nothing else.