Equipment Sanitation Order

For the one who leaves the bench exactly as wet as they found it dry. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Equipment Sanitation Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Recreation and Athletics
Final Notice
In the matter of Failure to Sanitise After Use
File NOW-4460Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 28.3a
    Failure to sanitise. Leaving a surface in a condition requiring another person to clean it.
  2. § 28.3b
    Towel non-deployment. Carrying a towel throughout and using it for nothing.
  3. § 28.3c
    The visible deposit. Leaving matter observable to the naked eye from a standing position.
  4. § 28.3d
    Handle transfer. Extending the condition to grips subsequently held by others.
  5. § 28.3e
    Spray disregard. Passing a dispenser provided for this exact purpose on your way out.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent wipe down every surface you have used, every time, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseNot wiping down the equipmentSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file NOW-4460
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it before they reach the next machine.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 15.5FaceTiming on speaker in publicPublic Video Call Order§ 15.1Jumping the queueQueue Integrity Order§ 15.2Stopping dead at the topEscalator Egress Notice§ 15.3Spreading across two seatsSeat Occupation Order