For someone guilty of never buying the shared essentials

Contribution Parity Order

For the roommate who has never once bought the toilet paper or the dish soap. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Bureau of Shared Tenancy
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Non-Contribution to Communal Provisions
File SPL-3327Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseNever buying the shared essentialsSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 38.1a
    Non-contribution. Consuming communally purchased goods without ever purchasing any.
  2. § 38.1b
    The exhausted supply. Using the last of an item and leaving the absence to be discovered.
  3. § 38.1c
    Selective ownership. Labeling your own goods while treating unlabelled ones as common.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent buy the shared essentials in turn, without being asked, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SPL-3327
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

No camera? Go to youvebeenserved.shop

VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while holding the receipt.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 2.7Not washing their handsHand Hygiene Order§ 2.6Farting in front of everyoneAmbient Emission Notice§ 12.3Taking calls from the toiletCall Location Order§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order

Also called roommate · money · groceries