Hand Hygiene Order

For the colleague you once followed out of the bathroom, and have thought about ever since. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Hand Hygiene Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Personal Hygiene
Notice of Eviction
In the matter of Departure Without Washing
File HAN-5176Issued AUGUST 24, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseNot washing their handsSeverityStep 3 of 3 · Notice of Eviction
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 2.7a
    Departure without washing. Leaving a facility having touched nothing but the door handle.
  2. § 2.7b
    The token rinse. Passing both hands under cold water for a period under two seconds.
  3. § 2.7c
    Soap avoidance. Completing the ritual without engaging the dispenser provided.
  4. § 2.7d
    Trouser drying. Resolving the moisture against clothing rather than the towel.
  5. § 2.7e
    Performance under observation. Washing thoroughly when watched and not otherwise.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent wash them, with soap, for the length of the sign on the wall, effective immediately. You are hereby evicted from the privilege described above, effective immediately. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file HAN-5176
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it at the sink. Hand it over with one hand.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 2.10Sniffing instead of using a tissueTissue Deployment Notice§ 10.1Never paying back small amountsOutstanding Balance Notice§ 12.3Taking calls from the toiletCall Location Order