For someone guilty of never muting on calls

Microphone Discipline Order

For the colleague whose every call includes their kitchen, their dog and their breathing. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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The notice and the serving script, delivered instantly. Print it, or send the link.
Office of Devices and Connectivity
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Failure to Mute
File UNM-2502Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseNever muting on callsSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 13.5a
    Failure to mute. Remaining live throughout a meeting in which you are not speaking.
  2. § 13.5b
    Ambient contribution. Introducing a kitchen, a road or a dog to a professional discussion.
  3. § 13.5c
    Respiratory broadcast. Transmitting breathing at a proximity that makes it the loudest input.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent remain muted unless actively speaking, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file UNM-2502
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it in the chat, during the call, while they are unmuted.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order§ 2.7Not washing their handsHand Hygiene Order§ 2.10Sniffing instead of using a tissueTissue Deployment Notice

Also called zoom · teams · mute · video · calls · remote