Direct Communication Order

For the flatmate who leaves notes on the fridge instead of saying anything. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Direct Communication Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Shared Tenancy
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Written Grievance in Place of Conversation
File STI-1868Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffensePassive-aggressive notesSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 38.5a
    Written grievance. Recording a complaint in a place the subject will find it and you will not be present.
  2. § 38.5b
    Underlining. Emphasising a word in a manner conveying a tone the sentence does not.
  3. § 38.5c
    The unaddressed note. Leaving a message for one person where four will read it.
  4. § 38.5d
    Smiley deployment. Appending a face that makes the note more hostile rather than less.
  5. § 38.5e
    Escalating stationery. Progressing from paper to card to laminate across a single dispute.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent say it to the person, once, out loud, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file STI-1868
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it in person. That is the entire point.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 7.5Never throwing anything out of the fridgePerishables Removal Order§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 7.1Leaving the microwave explodedCommunal Appliance Order§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order