For someone guilty of taking forty-minute showers

Hot Water Depletion Notice

For the one who leaves the bathroom warm and the tank empty. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Office of Water and Heat
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Depletion of a Shared Supply of Hot Water
File SHO-9981Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseTaking forty-minute showersSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 12.7a
    Depletion of supply. Exhaustion of the household’s hot water for a wash that required a fraction of it.
  2. § 12.7b
    Occupation beyond purpose. Remaining under running water long after all washing had demonstrably concluded.
  3. § 12.7c
    Contemplation at shared cost. Use of a metered utility as a venue for thinking. Think somewhere cheaper.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent conclude all bathing within twelve (12) minutes, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SHO-9981
Marcus
Scan to answer

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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve while they are still in the towel. The advantage is considerable and entirely fair.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 7.6Loading the dishwasher wrongLoading Standards Notice§ 16.5Watching a whole season in one sittingContinuous Viewing Order§ 36.10Buying the loudest possible toyAcoustic Gift Injunction

Also called shower · bathroom · hot · water · long · hogging