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Hot Water Depletion Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Water and Heat

Final Notice

In the matter of Depletion of a Shared Supply of Hot Water
File SHO-9981Issued AUGUST 22, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 12.7a
    Depletion of supply. Exhaustion of the household’s hot water for a wash that required a fraction of it.
  2. § 12.7b
    Occupation beyond purpose. Remaining under running water long after all washing had demonstrably concluded.
  3. § 12.7c
    Contemplation at shared cost. Use of a metered utility as a venue for thinking. Think somewhere cheaper.
  4. § 12.7d
    Delivery of the room in fog. Surrender of the bathroom to the next occupant at full humidity and zero visibility.
  5. § 12.7e
    Denial of duration. Estimation of the shower at “ten minutes”, contradicted by every clock in the house.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent conclude all bathing within twelve (12) minutes, effective immediately. This is a final notice. No further warnings will be issued. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseTaking forty-minute showersSeverityStep 2 of 3 · Final Notice
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SHO-9981
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Office of Water and Heat

Instructions

for the service of notice
File SHO-9981To be read aloudDo not smile

Service must be performed in person. Read the marked passages exactly as written. Anything in italics is direction and should not be read aloud, however tempting.

Before you begin

Serve while they are still in the towel. The advantage is considerable and entirely fair.

Have a witness present if you can. It doubles the audience and gives you someone to sign the form.

Give the witness your phone and have them film it. The document is the gift; their face is the part you keep.

Hold the notice with both hands. Do not smile. The whole thing collapses if you smile.

The service

“MARCUS. Do I have your attention.”

“I am serving you with a Hot Water Depletion Notice, file number SHO-9981, issued this day under the Office of Water and Heat.”

“You have been found in breach of five provisions. I will read them.”

— read the charges from the notice, in order, without editorial —

The order

“It is therefore ordered that you comply, effective immediately.”

“A response is required. The code is on the stub.”

“Do you accept service?”

After they accept

Hand them the stub. Point at the code. Say nothing else — they will fill the silence themselves.

Sign the notice. Have your witness sign it. They keep it.

You may smile now.

Post the footage and tag @youvebeenserved. The best ones go on the wall, and whoever filmed it serves their next one on us.

Keep your copy. Hand over the stub. Say nothing else.