For someone guilty of speakerphone in an open office

Ambient Noise Citation

For the one whose every call is a performance for forty people. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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The notice and the serving script, delivered instantly. Print it, or send the link.
Bureau of Ambient Sound
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Broadcast of a Private Call into a Shared Room
File SPE-5867Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseSpeakerphone in an open officeSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 24.2a
    Broadcast of a private call. Transmission of one half of a conversation to every person within thirty feet.
  2. § 24.2b
    Volume beyond necessity. Operation of a loudspeaker at a setting no room of this size has ever required.
  3. § 24.2c
    Disclosure without consent. Delivery of the other party’s voice, name and business to an audience they never agreed to.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent hold the device to your head, as it was designed to be held, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file SPE-5867
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve during the call. Hand it over without speaking and wait.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 26.1Booking meetings that could be emailsUnnecessary Meeting Notice§ 26.7Taking food from the office fridgeCommunal Refrigerator Order§ 21.2Leaving messages on readRead Receipt Citation

Also called speakerphone · loud · calls · office · phone · noisy