Premature Standing Order

For the passenger who is on their feet before the seatbelt sign is off, going nowhere. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Premature Standing Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Department of Conveyance
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Premature Vertical Assembly
File STA-3549Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 11.2a
    Premature assembly. Rising before the aircraft has completed its taxi.
  2. § 11.2b
    The stooped vigil. Standing in a crouch beneath a closed locker for eleven minutes.
  3. § 11.2c
    Aisle occupation. Occupying the aisle while thirty rows ahead have not begun to move.
  4. § 11.2d
    Locker aggression. Opening an overhead compartment above seated passengers without warning.
  5. § 11.2e
    Row jumping. Advancing into a gap belonging to the row in front.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent remain seated until the row ahead of you has actually moved, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseStanding the instant the plane landsSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file STA-3549
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while they are standing, bent double, under the locker.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 31.1Chronic optimism about journey timesJourney Estimation Order§ 27.2Texting while drivingHandheld Device Injunction§ 27.6Driving too close behindFollowing Distance Order§ 27.4Refusing to let anyone mergeMerge Courtesy Notice