For someone guilty of one-upping every story

Anecdotal Escalation Warning

For the friend whose weekend was always slightly better than yours. Choose 3 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Commission on Discourse
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Competitive Escalation of Anecdote
File ONE-7293Issued SEPTEMBER 18, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseOne-upping every storySeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

Provisions breached
  1. § 14.2a
    Competitive escalation. Responding to an account with a materially larger version of the same account.
  2. § 14.2b
    Pre-emptive positioning. Signaling a superior story before the current one has concluded.
  3. § 14.2c
    Distance inflation. Increasing the reported severity of your version on each subsequent telling.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent hear a story to its end and say nothing about your own, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated.

Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer. Detach the stub below and scan the code. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file ONE-7293
Marcus
Scan to answer

You are required to respond. Choose one:

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VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it immediately after they have topped something. There will be an opportunity.”

  • The script to read while serving them, in order
  • Stage directions, where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 31.2Being late to everythingChronic Lateness Warning§ 21.2Leaving messages on readRead Receipt Citation§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 37.2On their phone all the timeUndivided Attention Order

Also called bragging · showing · off · talking