Food Surface Order

For the owner who lets the cat walk where the food gets made. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Food Surface Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Animal Management
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Animal Occupation of Food Preparation Surfaces
File CAT-8722Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 8.2a
    Occupation of preparation surfaces. Permitting an animal onto a surface used for food.
  2. § 8.2b
    Post-litter transit. Allowing a direct route from the tray to the chopping board.
  3. § 8.2c
    Sampling. Permitting investigation of food intended for people.
  4. § 8.2d
    The observed indifference. Witnessing the above and continuing with the meal unchanged.
  5. § 8.2e
    Guest non-disclosure. Serving food from that surface without mentioning any of this.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent keep the animal off every surface on which food is prepared, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseCat on the kitchen counterSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file CAT-8722
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while the cat is on the counter, which is now.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 16.4Watching ahead without youSimultaneous Viewing Order§ 20.2Never knowing when to leaveDeparture Enforcement Order§ 16.5Talking over the matchMatch Commentary Injunction