Parcel Custody Notice

For the neighbour who is always in, and never in when a parcel needs signing for. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Parcel Custody Notice · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Office of Neighbourly Relations
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Refusal of Neighbourly Custody
File PAR-6198Issued AUGUST 23, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 30.4a
    Refusal of custody. Declining to accept a parcel on behalf of a neighbour while demonstrably at home.
  2. § 30.4b
    The unmentioned parcel. Accepting a parcel and then saying nothing about it for eleven days.
  3. § 30.4c
    Storage in an unsuitable place. Housing a neighbour’s parcel outdoors, under weather, beside a bin.
  4. § 30.4d
    Selective availability. Being unavailable for parcels and available for anything requiring a favour in return.
  5. § 30.4e
    Asymmetry of expectation. Requesting parcel custody at a rate of four to one against providing it.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent accept one parcel, hold it safely, and mention that you have it, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

OffenseNever taking in a parcelSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate. Not medical advice — but do get up.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file PAR-6198
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while holding the card that says they were not in.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 24.3TV at a volume nobody needsBroadcast Volume Order§ 20.1Turning up unannouncedUnannounced Visit Notice§ 30.1Not picking up after the dogFouling Removal Order§ 30.2Leaving the bins out all weekRefuse Presentation Citation