Unassembled Furniture Order

For the one whose new closet has been a box in the hallway since February. Choose 5 charges from 9, or write your own.

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Unassembled Furniture Order · two documents · 5 charges you choose + the serving script
Bureau of Domestic Maintenance
Notice of Warning
In the matter of Prolonged Storage of Unassembled Goods
File UNA-5213Issued AUGUST 25, 2026Served under youvebeenserved.shop
OffenseUnassembled furniture in the hall for monthsSeverityStep 1 of 3 · Notice of Warning
In the matter of
Marcus
Respondent · hereinafter “the Occupant”
v.
Upon complaint of
Sarah
Complainant · a member of the household

You are hereby notified that the above-named Respondent has been found, upon evidence gathered over a period of considerable patience, to be in breach of the following provisions:

  1. § 25.4a
    Prolonged storage. Retaining goods in their packaging well beyond any assembly window.
  2. § 25.4b
    Circulation obstruction. Reducing a hallway to a width requiring a turn of the shoulders.
  3. § 25.4c
    The opened box. Beginning the process, removing two components, and stopping there.
  4. § 25.4d
    Instruction misplacement. Losing the only document capable of resolving the matter.
  5. § 25.4e
    Surplus fittings. Completing an item and retaining eleven parts of unknown purpose.

It is therefore ordered that the Respondent assemble it, or return it, within two weeks of delivery, effective immediately. You are advised that continued conduct of this nature will be escalated. Compliance will be monitored. There is no appeals process, and there is no one to appeal to.

Response required

The Respondent is required to answer this notice. Detach the stub below and scan it; you may plead guilty, plead not guilty and appeal, or refuse to acknowledge the notice. Your answer is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

Signed, the complainant
Sarah
Witness to service
print name
This notice is a gift and carries no legal force whatsoever. It is, however, extremely accurate.
detach and keep
Redemption stub · file UNA-5213
Marcus

Scan to respond. You may plead guilty, appeal, or refuse to acknowledge this notice. Your response is recorded and forwarded to the complainant.

https://www.youvebeenserved.shop
VOID00
Also included · the serving script

The words to say while you hand it over.

“Serve it while standing beside the box, in the hall, sideways.”

  • The exact lines to read aloud, in order
  • Stage directions — where to stand, when to pause
  • Best performed to an audience. Film it.

They are probably guilty of something else too

§ 12.1Never replacing the toilet rollReplenishment Order§ 24.3TV at a volume nobody needsBroadcast Volume Order§ 18.1Chewing with your mouth openMastication Conduct Order§ 2.10Sniffing instead of using a tissueTissue Deployment Notice